SEPT. 10, 2015: A DAY IN LIVING THE DREAM

Posted on 24 September 2015

Yesterday was another binge – a mind numb stall of time to temporarily subdue the anxiety of uncertainty, especially while floating on others’ clocks without pay. Not to mention, personalities.

The roommate shows signs of excitement to vacate at the end of the month – or as I say, leave me in the dust. Be careful believing what you hear, especially if it’s with drinks on a roof in the distant past. When the going gets tough, the self comes out, often does the selfish. There were times when I wished for more, yet still supported, encouraged and brainstormed. What does having one’s back really mean anymore? Does it really have to come down only on the terrors of a loyal battlefield?

Some says it’s for the best. The optimist. The glass half full. As much as I’m pushed, I still lean this way but can’t objectively ignore … it still just IS.

The pain and confusion brought upon by women remains, perhaps bastes. Yet the desire intensifies. Although there is potentially so much danger, the beast is ultimately untamed, and the primal and biological urge intensifies, especially with growing days. The physical craves while the mental checks, processes, questions, protects, pretends, even likes-to-believe, but resiliently tries Рalmost as if programmed to suffer. Adrenaline is good, but it can be argued that love is  perhaps the best drug.

What do I want? … Is now different than what I wanted. In other words, through living, experiencing, I’ve seen that nothing is as ever good or as bad as it first seems, that a dream is ultimately that – a fantasy, that nothing in life is pure ectascy or pure misery. That it’s a search of balance – and if you can play your cards to tilt a little more up than down – more power to you.

So what is it that I want? What are my goals? My priorities? Perhaps I don’t know; perhaps I never knew and never will. And that’s okay. Why is that we come here having to WANT something? Being groomed to BE SOMETHING or to DO SOMETHING? Aren’t we enough? We are all most certainly NOT created equal, which is all the more reason to protect your fellow human. Which is all the more reason to be kind, to be good. To give the benefit of the doubt, and welcome with love.


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